Election Day finally behind us, combined with the New Moon in Scorpio today is the recipe for No-Thing-Ness. This is the time where we are in the dark fullness of unlimited potential. We can either lay in anxieties of unknown futures, depressions of memories past, or the freedom of manifestation through celebrating our successes and creating internal space for divine downloads.
Let us take a moment to pause; please close your eyes and take five deep inhalations into the pelvis.
I am going to be 100% transparent and ask that as I allow you into my life you will find relatable themes and events and refrain from ultimate judgements.
The last two months I lost what I would call a deep connection to my “Self” and instead found “my”self in heightened anxiety, depression, and irritability. This whole year I have found this energy bubbling up more and more, almost reaching the surface and hitting occasional “bad days” and emotional breakdowns, but believed I was managing my stress pretty okay. Well September proved me wrong.
When you’re handling life challenges, you are able to face the apparent good and apparent bad days with the same grounding and confidence no matter what is thrown your way. Yes you may cry, and be upset, but ultimately you are solid. I realize now that I was ignoring the challenges life was throwing me with distractions. Social media (sometimes getting into arguments that I KNEW were going nowhere…TROLLIN), activities that I didn’t really enjoy, and I spent a lot of my time not very focused or present. When you are actively participating in life you are present.
The stress of the world, the sadness I could feel emanating out of humanity, and the annoyance of fucking politics spiraled me into deep moments of depression and feeling hopeless. I couldn’t focus on what I was hoping to bring into this Lela, this divine play of consciousness.
On a deeper level I began to confront my self worth through reflection of my partnership, as well as all relationships. I had these questions of “am I enough?” and “why do I not feel lovable?” rooted so deep it goes back ancestrally. I questioned my relationship to my family, my dad especially. Never having felt like I was worth his time, or any man’s time. To the standards I had internally set for every significant relationship, I was never smart enough, funny enough, witty enough, or beautiful enough to keep around. I was either talking too much or too little. All of these insecurities bubbled to the surface in the last two months and I took it out on the man I love, poking and prodding trying to force him to inform me why I am not enough for anyone. All this was triggered by this massive shift he is taking in life and me not feeling stable enough that I will be apart of this evolution, because as my history has it I have been left behind. This caused massive strain on our relationship and you know what they say, “If you start digging, you’ll never get to the bottom”. There will always be something to bring up, another issue, another question. Instead of falling into unconditional love and appreciation for this fucking beautiful being I fell into my conditional patterns when I start demanding things out of the relationship. “I want commitment” my ego says, while my inner child is saying “I want to feel worthy of love”.
The only thing I can control at this point, in my mind, is work. So I make unrealistic expectations for myself and continue to fall short, which of course caused more questions of worth, anxiety behind working, and then getting sick…
The composite of everything caused my chronic bronchitis to come back this year. Coughing up mucus and feeling exhausted all the time. Nausea every time I ate because my belly was so full of junk from my lungs being unable to properly drain. I tried to do well with cooking ayurvedic food, but didn’t have the energy or would get sick after cooking and be unable to eat, and inevitably wasting the food.
Now at this point I start drinking pretty regularly, even at home alone. One night the Goddess comes to visit me in my dreams and tells me to start smoking marijuana, something I have not done in a super long time, and tells me it will only be for a short time but that I am stressed out mentally and on the verge of getting really sick. I woke from that dream as if I had never gone to sleep that night it was so vivid. So I get around to it with the help of my friends visiting from New Hampshire, living in California we have the privilege of utilizing this medicine when we want to, and instantly I am relaxed. Just at night, before bed, it helped with decompression. But I know I need something more. So after a week I became ready to take the next steps.
First, there was the challenge.
Second, the realization of the challenge.
Third, retreating to get a birds eye view.
Fourth, active participation.
I started going to a yoga class more, instead of telling myself I would practice at home. I started falling into my passions again. Focusing on health and yoga teaching and essential oils. I practiced visualization techniques blended with scent and allowed myself to feel all that was coming up without the need to control.
I decided I needed to reach out and connect with those that are also feeling so much, and the way I found to do that is through my love language… Gifts.
Connecting to the essential oils that helped me most come out of my hermit energy, I knew I needed to share these juicy parts of life with all. When I am feeling down I usually close my eyes and intuitively reach for an oil bottle or two and then study the emotional benefits of the oil, every oil has a unique constitute that affects our emotional support.
Eucalyptus found itself into my hand… Eucalyptus is the oil I have always used when going though hearth break that causes my bronchitis as it assists in opening airways and is relaxing. Eucalyptus is the oil of wellness. Yesterday, I especially felt my “story” of being sick. Unable to breathe quite literally, I’ve been coughing up junk yet energetically still clinging to the junk.. financial outcome, political movement, my beloved deciding I am worthy (not that he said otherwise, but the attachment to what I demanded), and to my current lifestyle when I KNOW there is so much more around the corner. Eucalyptus gives courage to face issues and beliefs. Providing trust that all needs and desires will be met.
Next I picked two supportive oils..
Fennel and Lime
Fennel has been coming up daily for me. It is an ayurvedic spice that balances and cools, I bought the oil a month ago but never opened it. Now was the time
Fennel is the oil of responsibility. More than just following through with commitments, it assists your ABILITY to RESPOND. Fennel is utilized when you lose your appetite for life (literally happened to me), you may have developed eating disorders or reached for numbing remedies to life daily challenges. Fennel re-ignites the call to life and allows us to regain our ability to show up. Fennel supports the pranic forces at work within our physical being, our circulation, respiratory, digestive, and metabolism.
Finally Lime. I love lime, it’s sour and pungent.. great cleansing agents! Lime is the oil for a zest to life. Lime elevates when life becomes to weigh down. Lime cleanses the heart space after accumulation of emotional toxins. Lime helps connect mind and heart, dispels apathy, and reignites joy, courage, and our ability to face the challenges.
Blending these oils with the addition of intention, visualization, and mindfulness, I am feeling happier and more grounded after such a vicious transition period. It is okay to be sad and feel overwhelmed, but the problem is when you drop out of life… we can’t drop out now. We must stay present and supportive for this massive cosmic shift. I have been feeling it and wanted to be authentic about these feelings to provide a space for anyone else who is feeling this craziness! If you are interested in inviting the healing powers of these oils into your life comment below or email me at DeeplyDimensional@gmail.com
I will be running a special gratitude giveaway this month because I love you and this heals me!! I will be giving away these oil and if you want to learn how to receive 15ml bottles of each please reach out, and learn the requirements to receive.